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blood diamonds

blood diamond

There’s this great scene in Edward Zwick’s Blood Diamond where Leo DiCaprio’s character (Danny Archer) is speaking with a Sierra Leonian schoolteacher (Benjamin) who asks him about human nature.

“Tell me Mr. Archer,” Benjamin says, “in your long career as a journalist…what has been your experience?  Are people mostly good or mostly bad?”

this scene's really stuck with me.

this scene’s really stuck with me.

I’m often asked this same question, usually as some sort of litmus test, by both my Christian and secular humanist friends.

Are people good or are they bad?

Imagine you’re in Mr. Archer’s position.  Or mine.

Maybe your daughter asks you the same question.  What do you say?

Are people mostly good or mostly bad?

Two quick answers come to mind.

When I learned how to “share the Gospel” with pamphlets (God has a wonderful plan for your life) I knew “the right answer” to this question was that people are bad – there is no one righteous.

On the other hand, some of my more activist, social justice-y Christian friends have always insisted it’s as simple as people are good – humans are made just a little lower than the angels, creatures crowned for glory and honor.

But both arguments fall apart within seconds.

It doesn’t take much more than one incredible experience of love from a non-Christian for someone to call B.S. on the whole “man-is-incapable-of-any-good-apart-from-believing-in-God” malarkey.

Conversely, teaching that people are only and essentially good is a blatant lie – you don’t have to page too far back into human history (or too deep into your own heart, I’d wager) to glimpse the terrifying scope of human darkness there.

And that’s why I love Archer’s answer here.

He eases back against a fencepost and pulls at his shirt.

“People are people,” he says.

And he launches into a story.

vamos a la playa picture by Jenny Finnerman

I still have to tell this one story about the beach I was at last weekend – picture by Jenny Finnerman.  click for a better view :)

I’ve taken these words – people are people – to mean that there is not just ONE pithy answer that can sum up the entirety of human nature.

I asked this same question about human nature on my Facebook and Twitter today.  The comments went back and forth for a bit but I was impressed with one friend who was spot on in calling me out for asking such a bad question in the first place: “people are too complicated to be polarized into those two things.

It’s funny.

The way he answered that question, it’s just what this guy Jesus was so apt to do.

Deconstructing the question,
turning closed-ended demands and verbal traps into opportunities
to get at the question behind the question.

Like when he taught us to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s,
or that whoever is without sin should be the one to cast the first stone.

You notice that, reading the earliest accounts of his ministry,
people come to Jesus with all sorts of questions
but he rarely if ever gives them the answers they were expecting.

That’s because he was smart enough to recognize that the assumptions behind the questions were faulty themselves.

And so instead of giving Side A or Side B’s canned answer, he’d surprise everybody by launching into a parable about a rich man and a poor man or a king who was throwing a party for the whole village or a father who had two sons and somewhere in the middle of it all we realize that the question itself may or may not have been answered but maybe that wasn’t the point in the first place.

It’s breathtaking.

It’s incredible, really.

That instead of simply siding with the dominant thoughts of the political and religious parties of his day, Jesus would often eschew both the liberal and the conservative traditions, superseding the Pharisees and the Sadducees (and the Galileans and the Herodians and the Essenes) to…

…tell a story.

One that would redefine the entire conversation.

Because some questions don’t have black or white answers,
some questions require a story to be told,
a massive story that spans thousands of years and hundreds of pages
a story that oozes history and mysticism and old-fashioned skepticism,
seasoned with experience and tradition and reason.

A story that takes its time to get to the question behind the question,
to the truth that humans are more complicated
than great and evil or black and white,
that we’re this beautiful paradox
of good and bad and messy and clean.

monsters

I saw this meme the other day, “Scooby-Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.”

It’s true.

But what this quote leaves out is that, by the grace of God, we humans can also work to become the heroes of the story.

Yes the monsters are people.

But so are the magicians,
the musicians,
the mystery-machine gang,
the healers,
the miracle-workers,
the Sons and Daughters of the Living God.

Light and darkness, it’s like we’ve got both of them inside of us.

Each of our heroes has a dark side.  And I know it’s crazy to think about, but each of the monsters we hear about on television has probably– at some point – done something scandalously good with their lives.

Humans are this holy mess,
both sacred and profane.

People, in the end, are people.

Perhaps we can reconcile these two teachings,
that humanity boasts both goodness and badness,
by acknowledging that we ourselves are blood diamonds.

We’re conflict minerals.

Our economy,
our politics,
our churches,
and our lives
are painted with corruption,
pollution,
and pain.

Soaked with the blood of our brothers and sisters.

The impact and the stain of sin on this world literally makes it hard to breathe sometimes.

But humans – oh, we’re oh-s0-brilliant as well.

We are coveted creatures, created with care, shining cities on a hill.

Our homes,
our synagogues,
our courtrooms,
our children.

They’re full of life
and hope
and wonder
and potential
and joy.

Shining like the diamonds we were made to be.

My point is this:

without this wider story to frame the conversation
(that we’re implicated, convicted, and deathly sick but also impeccable, infinite, priceless diamonds)
we miss the point of the question,
and the question behind the question.

You know, what I think people are really asking when they ask whether humans are good or bad is this: “just what type of world are we living in, anyway?  One with meaning, purpose, and love?  An existential blotch on the radar?  Or a bleak, empty realm of death and decay?”

And as always,
to answer that question,
somebody needs to tell a story.

********************************************************

Sometimes I like to imagine how Jesus would have answered Benjamin’s question, sitting there in the jungle with a cigarette in his mouth and a jug of rice wine sitting on his lap…

“Tell me, Jesus,” Benjamin says, “in your long career as a rabbi…what has been your experience?  Are people mostly good or mostly bad?”

I think he’d take a second to think, staring off into the distance.  Then he’d inhale, take a swig, wipe his mouth with the back of his wrist, and begin:

“see, it all started with these two people and a piece of fruit…”

life’s a beach, Batstone’s a rock star

This weekend, some friends and I took a trip to a place called Manuel Antonio, an area that boasts a densely forested national park and a series of beaches that were absolutely incredible.

On the way to las playas, we’d walk right past these swaths of sloths, howler monkeys, zebra locust, baby deer, termites, iguanas, and all sorts of little creatures.

It felt like we were hiking through Jurassic Park all weekend.

see what I mean?

see what I mean?

At one of the beaches, we decided to spend some time dancing in the waves and jumping around in them.

The first time a massive wave came tumbling toward me, I tried a purposefully stubborn approach against it.  I stood there ham-fisted and sure and waited for it to hit me.

It smacked into me hard and toppled me over immediately.  I found myself swirling, knocked on my ass, spitting up water.

My friend Jessie was swimming right next to me and she burst out laughing.

“Why did you just stand there?” she asked, surprised.

“I’m doing an experiment,” I grinned absently, eyes set on the next wave.

I probably did this for longer than I should have, testing the different sorts and strengths of the waves and the ways I could resist them.

After some time, I came to the conclusion that there were three main ways to deal with this ocean:

I could One, stand straight against the waves, brave them upright and unbending and strong and uncompromising and what would happen was that every time they just about snapped me in half, like a brick wall smashing into my face.

Two, that was the method I’m most familiar with: I planted my feet in the sand below me and stood sideways, kind of like a crab.  As I was buffeted by the water, my body would bend and shift and go with the flow and became kind of like a wave itself, like the tree that survives the storm because it’s flexible and not rigid.  The only downside was that I occasionally lost my grounding and slid way too far to the left or the right.

Three – and this was probably my favorite – was to dive under the waves to the ocean floor and avoid the chaos completely.  I’d take a deep breath and sink below the surface and the reverberations and shock that the tidal currents otherwise wrought didn’t even touch me.  I resurfaced for air but otherwise began exploring the previously-neglected seashells and sand under my feet.  It was fascinating.

Point is, I kind of ignored the waves down there.  And even though they seemed so huge and world-altering up above, they didn’t feel like much from my new perspective.

this was the dude we had to pay to park at the beach.  I'm assuming he worked there, but he could have just been some dude at the beach.

this was the dude we had to pay to park at the beach. I’m assuming he worked there, but he could have just been some dude at the beach.

I laughed out loud after I dried off and plopped into the sand because I opened the book I was reading and read the following line:

You can believe something with so much conviction that you’d die for that belief,

and yet in the same moment

you can also say, “I could be wrong…”

A few thoughts about these waves, and then a story about another purported heretic.

I believe that, when it comes to God, it’s not just the beliefs you hold, but how you hold them.

I have no problem with you holding to confident belief in a literal 6-day Young Earth Creation , or in the concept of fatalism, or even having rejected the idea of a God as long as you are willing to question your assumptions and at least truly consider that you may be wrong.

That’s why I’ll passionately argue for the divinity of Christ and for an earth that is billions of years old, against child pornography and for same-sex marriage, for an inspired and trustworthy Bible and for evolution: because this is what the evidence – carefully weighed and inspected by these holy scriptures – points me to.  At the same time, I try to take my own advice and be open to the swelling possibility that I am just dead wrong about some of this stuff (maybe God does abhor homosexuality, maybe I really am going to hell, maybe there actually was a literal Adam and Eve who lived 6,000 years ago).

I don’t believe these things.  But let me show you my life and how I got to where I am and let me encounter you and see how you got where you’re at and let’s learn something from one another.

*************************************

A couple months ago, some friends and I were fortunate enough to have lunch with David Batstone, the professor, author, and founder of the acclaimed (anti-human trafficking) Not For Sale campaign.  Somehow, we got to talking about leading figures in American Christianity and he mentioned how Rob Bell was a truly genuine pastor.  I asked Professor Batstone what he thought about all of the controversy that had risen up around Bell recently, and his answer floored me.

A bit of background information: after Rob published Love Wins, many Christians immediately publicly alienated themselves from him.  Bell, who fellow blogger Tony Jones playfully calls “the Jason Bourne of Christianity,” was brutally and loudly ostracized in a way that made huge waves in the blogosphere and in the real world – clergy lost their jobs for saying they enjoyed the thoughts presented in the book, churches pulled his popular NOOMA videos from youth groups across the country, and Christian bookstores across the country blatantly refused to carry his work.

All that to say, Mr. Batstone’s response to my question both surprised and impressed me.

He furrowed his brows and genuinely asked: “what controversy?”

Take note of this: this man was so immersed below the surface in his work breaking the chains of poverty and freeing slaves across the globe, so close to the poor, daily embracing the weakest physical manifestations of  Christ, that he did not even know about the bitter waves of the theological and cultural currents thrashing overhead against Rob.

So while I’m getting my feathers ruffled over the latest stupid theological squabble, Driscoll fracas, or ecclesial controversy, people – Mother-Theresa-esque folks like Dave Batstone – are so busy pursuing the Lord and plunging into the depths of human suffering that they don’t even know about this crap.

If I could have a tall drink of the knowledge I’ve gained from all of this mess (one part unwavering confidence, two parts bending like the wise coconut tree, six thousand parts Batstone’s philosophy of being so immersed in the Kingdom that he doesn’t even notice the chunks of theological bullshit floating overhead) I would be more than set.

It’s certainly something to think about.

Plus, the drinking age here is only 18, so they’d be totally cool with it.

jealousy, turning saints into the sea

As (some of) you know, I’m currently studying abroad in Costa Rica.

It’s awesome, I love my cohort and host family, I love practicing my Spanish, I love having my own bedroom and sharing meals with my family and living only a ten minute walk away from school.

saul

But recently I’ve become very jealous of my friends’ housing situations.  There’s this one girl who gets her own guest house apart from her host family’s and another new friend who lives in a McMansion, a palace  apparently plucked straight out of Beverly Hills.  All of this in a neighborhood rife with potholes and stray dogs and unattended beehives (looking at you, Matt).

This envy, it’s an interesting phenomenon, really – I was 100% happy in my little home, but after seeing these other students’ situations, I’ve become so much more dissatisfied with my own.  Crazy, right?

It kind of reminds me of this one really old story about an agriculturist who has a bunch of crops and who need workers, trabajadores, to come harvest them. So the jefe rises early, and at six in the morning he finds a bunch of guys in town to work his fields all day.  He makes an agreement with them to pay them 10 dollars for their help.  The man returns home and goes out again at nine, sees a few others hanging about in the marketplace, idle and desempleados.  He invites them to work his campo for the day as well and promises them fair payment.

photo by fellow student Ashley Berg Grabb

beautiful, right?  photo by fellow student Ashley Berg Grabb

So the man does this a few more times, bringing back new trabajadores each time – once at noon, again at 3, and once more at 5 o’clock.  At the end of the work day, all of his empleados find themselves tired (some more exhausted than others) and happy, wiping the sweat from their brows, lining up for payment.

The farmer starts by giving those who he picked up only an hour ago ten dollars.  He continues to do this for those he hired at 3 and at noon.  As the line shrinks, the workers who have been at it todo el día start getting excited and expectantly anticipate increased wages.

However, when the farmer hands them each their previously agreed-upon dollar amount, they become enraged.  ¡Qué ladrón, what a dishonest man!  He should have paid us much more than the others, they grumble.

The owner of the farm overhears them, and I love his response to their complaints.  He essentially asks them “Did I cheat you?  How did I break my deal with you?  We agreed upon ten dollars and I paid you ten dollars!  You have no right to be jealous of them.  Go spend your money and be at peace!”

The story ends before the workers can give their response, but I like to imagine them realizing they were in the wrong on this, that they should’ve been happy for – not jealous of – those other workers.

Jealousy.  It brings the noblest, most awesome people to their knees.  I long for that day when I’ll be able to see something really good happen to someone else and think not why can’t that happen to me?  but  something good happened to someone! and break a genuine smile.  I love the people who think like that.  It’s such an admirable sense of solidarity with the entire human race, knowing that if at any point anything good happens to anyone, we should be glad because it affects us positively as well.

I know that sounds ridiculous.  Maybe it should.  It’s this radical claim that these old divisions, they’ve just sort of passed away, that there’s no longer these extraneous labels of friend and foe, neighbor or stranger, Jew or Gentile, male or female, “Christian” or Samaritan.

There’s that one line, that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, that until all of us are free, none of us are.

I think those words resonate with so many people because they reveal an often unarticulated something that we know deep down to be true:

it’s all connected.

Humanity, God, this planet, we’re all tied together like a (blue-yarn) spiderweb.  Sexuality and spirituality, cell phones and social justice, margaritas and mountain ranges, all of it, touched by the same Life and sustained by the same Force.  The Chinese and the Costa Ricans and the Palestinians and the Israelis, we track one heartbeat, one shared humanity.

All that to say, I don’t really see the point in being jealous of my fellow man (and woman) any longer.  My house, my host family, they’re awesome.  Even if others have been given more, I can be more than content with what I have been given.  I’m learning that in all aspects of life, continuing to compare myself to other people will only bring pain.  For those with bigger houses and better friends and higher IQs and hotter girlfriends, I am learning to genuinely be happy for you.  I’m not there yet, but give me time.

To all of my friends here in Costa Rica and back home – honestly – I pray you continue to appreciate the abstract art of human solidarity (rejoicing with those who rejoice, weeping with those who weep).  May you find within this journey not only a sense of truly redemptive empathy, but also an intimate act of self-preservation.

the writer

“It is always a matter, my darling,
Of life or death, as I had forgotten.  I wish
What I wished you before, but harder.”

The Writer, by Richard Wilbur

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

2 AM by Anna Nalick

When people ask me what I want to do when I grow up, I generally tell them the same four things – I want to have a family, I want to be a writer, I want to help people, and I want to be happy.

My mom always – somewhat gratuitously – tells me that I already have all of these goals accomplished , which is nice and technically correct.  Maybe that just goes to show how I’m never quite satisfied with what I have right now.  I just noticed that I also didn’t say I wanted to do anything in particular, just be these certain things, like a father and a husband and a writer.

I’m still developing my narrative voice.  Longtime followers of the blog will have noticed that my writing has improved…slowly but surely.  And it’s growing wings, sprouting branches, whatever, but it’s still just so teenagerly and hormonal and awkward sometimes.  I still over-adjective, over-analyze, and clumsily wield my metaphors like terrible chainsaws; I still revel in my own apparent  self-wit; I still have such a long way to go.

I’m extremely jealous of my friend Jeff, who is a fantastic writer.

I recently attended a reading he put together for his new book, and it was really cool because at one point, the people he wrote about were sitting next to him during the reading and the way he described them in his book was exactly how they appeared in real life.  The way he was able to craft words that so perfectly described their appearances and mannerisms was flooring.  I want to be able to describe people so well someday, to tell their stories in such a responsible, honoring way.

When he was young, my friend Sam (the guy who first really introduced me to writing) vowed to beat out Christopher Paolini (of Eragon fame) and publish a series of novels before the age of 16.  As far as I know, it never happened.

Another friend told me she wanted to be published before 18, and sent out copies of her poems to three literary firms.  None of them responded either.

For my own writing legacy, I’ve set the bar quite a bit lower: someday, I just want to get paid by somebody to write something.

I don’t know if you know this, but I’m actually in Costa Rica right now.  It kind of reminds me of Honduras.  It’s got that sort of “developing country” air to it, yknow?  Not in a derogatory way or anything, it’s just that the smell is part sewage and sweat, the feel is heat and crackling asphalt.  Crude odors and noises flood the senses.  Food, water, and waste fill the city streets.

It’s hot, it’s human, it’s gorgeous, it’s gritty, it’s big, it’s beautiful, it’s a million degrees humidity out here, I love it so far, and I figure I should be able to find something – anything – to write about in this country.  It’s so nice to write in a foreign country, I feel really hip.  It’s so cool to be able to use English as well.  I bumped into this one American girl today and speaking my native tongue with her literally felt like that big breath of air you take after coming up from too long underwater.  Fresh air.

As I’m working on this post, my little brother for the summer, this little dude, he keeps peeking his head around the corner to my room and just staring at me.  Saul Davíd (I’m loving the Biblical-enemy-name-thing), he’s 4 years old (I’m thinking of nicknaming him Jesús-Diablo), he knows I’m trying to work but he keeps peeking his head out at me and ducking back when I lock eyes with him.

Okay, now he’s brought a coloring book into my bedroom and is just laying on the floor drawing in it and whispering my name.

proof!

proof

I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up on regular posting as much as I’d like, so I’d really welcome any guest posts that any of you would like to write…just follow that hyperlink if you’re interested!

To steal a line from a friend, and to step out of Ryan the Writer’s shoes for a minute here (and out of Ryan the Controversialist’s, Ryan the Activist’s, Ryan the Social Worker’s) and just into Ryan the Human Being’s set of sneakers for a split second, I’d like to let y’all know that I really need and appreciate your thoughts and prayers as I continue to immerse myself here in Costa Rica.  ¡Qué Dios now bendiga!

Okay, I don’t know what I’ve done to invite the idea that I’m interested in playing right now but now this kid is now sliding across the tile floor in his socks and dancing to Boston’s Foreplay/Long Time.

proof

Okay, I just taught him how to beat box.  This is awesome.  We’re playing Hot Wheels.  Writing is not as cool as this.  I’m going to go now.

Paz y Amor,

Ryan

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